HUMOR: RAUL CASTRO WANTS TO BE BURRIED IN STGO OF CUBA.

HUMOR: RAUL CASTRO WANTS TO BE HATED IN STGO DE CUBA.

   Raul Castro, in an interview with government media, said that what is most strange are cockfighting and scavenging by scavenger birds on his private ranch in realengo 18 on a mountain in the mountains of Guantánamo. It cost him more than Fidel to stop smoking.
   Now the power has gone to his head. He wants to be remembered more than Fidel. And that they walk it by all the island until the Great Stone, decorating the stone with a thought:, "Here lies the second brother of Fidel but the one that had more balls"
   They had spent decades humiliated and even said "dad" to Fidel in a speech. But now his revenge arrives like the ancient pharaohs. He wants to be buried with his living lover and a bowl of water so that she dies of starvation.
   And poor Vilma Espin is left alone in the pantheon of the FAR.

   Nothing, that the guy in his senile dementia has gone up the smoke and leaves an heir who will follow his same steps without changing anything.

Humor: Raul Castro quiere que lo entierren en Stgo de Cuba.

HUMOR: RAUL CASTRO QUIERE QUE LO ENTIERREN EN STGO DE CUBA.

   Raúl  Castro en  una entrevista que  ofreció a  medios oficialistas dijo que lo que más extraña son las peleas de gallo y la caza con rifle de aves carroñeras en su finca privada del realengo 18 en un monte internado en las montañas de Guantánamo. Le costó más que a Fidel dejar de fumar.

   Ahora el poder se le ha ido a la cabeza. Quiere ser recordado más que Fidel. Y  que lo paseen por toda la isla hasta la Gran Piedra, decorando la piedra  con un pensamiento suyo, “Aquí yace el segundón  de Fidel pero el que tenía más cojones”

   Habían pasados décadas humillado y hasta le dijo “papá” a Fidel en un discurso. Pero ahora llega su venganza como los antiguos faraones. Quiere ser enterrado con  su amante viva y un tazón de agua para que muera de inanición.

   Y la pobre Vilma Espín se queda solita en el panteón de las FAR.

   Nada, que al tipo en su demencia senil se le han subido los  humos y deja un heredero que seguirá sus mismos pasos sin cambiar nada.     

FIRST CONDON

THE FIRST CONDOM.

    Fragment of the book SHORT TALES FOR ADULTS.
   Orlando Vicente Álvarez.

   It is the story of a teenager who saw his friends boast that they had two eternal condoms in their pockets.
   At last he had his first girlfriend and he was burning for making love.
   He went to the pharmacy and waited for the pharmacist man to come out, but at the same time the pharmacist left and came a woman.
  Self-conscious, he was asked what he wanted. His tongue stuck and he said stammering:
-A one with ... with ... a con...con... conservative, please.
The pharmacists looked at each other and said:
_A conservative of what? You mean a condom, it's not like that, "said the man.
  · That, that ... a pre ... preser ... va ... tivo.
    Once the demand was satisfied, the boy was perplexed where he would hide it from his parents' sight. It occurred to him to put it on the tip of the shoe that in those days were leather and he put the stockings on top to be sure.
   When the big night came, in a dark park full of trees they got excited and when the boy was very hot he wanted to take off the condom but had to undo shoelaces and take off his shoe.
   The act was brief. When they finished - two minutes later, the boy was without a shoe and the girl complained that her parents were going to kill her.
   At last the boy found the shoe and the middle one among the brush.
   At two months: pregnancy, but everything was resolved with a fast wedding.
   A boy was born.
    As the condoms had two butterflies in the front. The baby was named Papillon.
   Moral: never trust the Chinese condoms that were the only ones that entered Cuba in those times.

LETTER TO A BLUEBIRD AND EMPTY JOURNALIST.

LETTER TO A BLUEBIRD AND EMPTY JOURNALIST.

      Any coincidence with a certain journalist is pure coincidence. Who does not know who was François Mauriac Novel prize of literature there 'for the 50' and who was Catholic, he wrote well but too boring and incoherent:

    At first, the universe was only dark matter but God - which is eternal - a giant gas was sent in its fight with Satan - and created the galaxies and nebulae, including solar system with the earth.

   My aunt Figuera, a good-sized Galician, put a candle in the bathtub on the anniversary of each deceased relative. We children learned the date of each death of the ancestors, because that day we did not bathe and we smelled fried Hot dog all day.
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   My grandmother, the river Guaso, grew up and brought her the house - with grandfather and everything - and she did not spill a tear.

   Communism is an anthropological aberration - said John Paul II in his encyclical Renum Nubaron.

   I do not know if they remember the autobiography of Ricardo Arenas where a Cuban official writer sits on a light bulb. They had to operate and everything. He also does the same but he could not get it out because of that at night it short-circuits and the backlight is illuminated like a firefly.

CARTA A UN PERIODISTA RUISEÑOR Y HUECO

 CARTA A UN PERIODISTA RUISEÑOR Y HUECO.

      Cualquier coincidencia con cierto periodista es pura casualidad. Que no sabe quién fue     François Mauriac premio Novel  de literatura allá ‘por los 50’ y que era católico, escribía bien pero demasiado aburrido e incoherente:  

    Al principio el universo era solo materia oscura pero a Dios- que es eterno- se mandó un gigantesco gas en su lucha con Satán- y se crearon las galaxias y nebulosas, entre ellos sistema solar con la tierra.

   Mi tía Figuera, gallega de buena cepa, le ponía una vela en la bañera en el aniversario de cada familiar fallecido. Nosotros los  niños nos aprendimos la fecha  de cada muerto de los ancestros, pues ese día no nos bañábamos y olíamos a chorizo  frito todo el  día.

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   A mi abuela el río  Guaso crecido le llevó la casa- con abuelo y todo- y no derramó ni una lagrima.

   El comunismo es una aberración antropológica- lo dijo Juan Pablo II en su encíclica Renum Robaron.

   No sé si recuerdan  la autobiografía de Ricardo Arenas donde un escritor oficialista cubano se sienta sobre una bombilla. Lo tuvieron que operar y todo. Este también hace lo mismo pero no pudieron sacársela por eso por las noches hace cortocircuito y el trasero se le alumbra  como a una luciérnaga. 

FROM EDGE. HAITIAN PAINTED WHITE.

Front edge HAITIAN PAINTED WHITE.
Orlando Vicente Álvarez.

    When I was a young doctor in the province of Guantánamo. They sent me to San Antonio del Sur, a municipality adjoining the Caribbean Sea. When a boat full of Haitians ran aground on the reefs, they sent me with an expert assistant in Epidemiology.
    I was not allowed to touch them just examine them in the eye of a good player.There were about 50 Haitians going to Miami. We went down the cliff and forced them to undress - men, women and children - and a fumigator sprayed them with white milk - Difterez - from head to toe.
     They painted them white. The PCC authorities threw banana bouquets from above as if they were infected or were going to eat us alive. Then they forced us to collect all indications of their presence: cans, threadbare clothes and all traces of them and burned them.
   That was communist solidarity. Then came an older Cuban ship and towed them to the high seas to continue on their way. And they forced us to keep the secret. That's why I sometimes say that I'm not Cuban: I'm Haitian.

http://orlandoescritorynovelista.blogspot.com.uy/

Ballerina of a single foot: maternity.

SINGLE FOOTBALL: MATERNITY.
DR Orlando Vicente Álvarez

Last year, when I was in Buenos Aires, I met an old  girl friend.
-You still beautiful. How old are you?
-I'm close to forty. They do not hire me anymore. I'm losing flexibility.
- And a son, is it already when menopause arrives?
- I do not want to have children.
But how. She retained the beauty of early youth, fresh skin, long legs, curly hair down her back ...
-You are still in time for a baby. Your body was prepared millions of years ago for the occasion. Only business executives feel fulfilled without a child and then adopt or remain alone in their old age, surrounded by brothers and nephews who only seek the inheritance.
But you are poor now. You can not freeze your eggs for later. Nor can you adopt.
Nature or God Himself prepared the body of the woman to conceive. The maternal womb will miss a baby's body. The nipples of your breasts yearn for the tender lips of a creature. Your body will bend forward making a cave to cradle the baby and you, all of you, will receive the gift of happiness of having a baby. The oxytocin will work your whole body, your brain and you will be prepared to be a mother.
I had a patient with Down syndrome. The parents told me that it was a blessing from God because of the love they gave her was the love they received. I carried it on my knees and it moved me and a tear rolled down my cheeks.
God told Abram to offer his only son as a burnt offering but it was only to test his faith and he told him: your offspring will be like the stars of the sky or the sand of the beaches.
Children are a blessing from God or from Evolution. Even lesbian couples are inseminated by having one and even gays claim a belly a substitute or adopt.
A few days ago on the beach I saw in the sand playing a family of poor soccer, even the mother played, and seemed so happy that the millionaire Argentines and Brazilians behind their litmus glasses looked at them with envy. They did not want to have children so as not to deform their bodies.
My dear friend listened to all my harangue and said nothing.
It would be like a ballerina with a single foot turning around itself and giving little jumps without reaching anything.